While reading a vapid article on the merits of “The Post Modern Girlfriend” spliced in-between readings of our favorite car magazines, we suddenly realized why we hate modern BMWs (along with a few other epiphanies.)
We have always understood “post modern thought” to eschew the past–including antiquated things like human emotion, sensuality and the like. If these are the qualities of modern BMWs (which we believe they are), then our world is the less for it.
“Hit with a Bangle stick” is the frequent description of the 2000-2009 BMWs that were ostensibly designed by the American Chris Bangle but actually created by a Dutch designer named Arie Vanderwouk, or close to it.
We once had a Dutch Art Director work for us. He found our Midwestern attachment to voluptuous Swedish lovelies (wife, mom, etc.) and the beauty of the sunsets on Lake Superior outdated. They were wretchedly romantic to his post-modern mind. And while he played computer car games with abandon, he found our emotional attachment to real cars abhorrent.
To this Dutchman with an equally unpronounceable name the automobile was a transportation appliance. He appreciated the odd design flourish in all his appliances (insisted on a stunningly handsome Krupps coffemaker) but never spoke passionately about automobiles. He was also deeply offended by our propensity to personalize our own collection of rides with randy names. This may have have explained his fondness for what Coert (sounds like “hurt”) claimed to be the ultimate in design or the suits of the mid-70s East German swim team.
Or was it shot-put?
Alas, while Alfa Romeos (Gina and Melones), Caddy (Elvis) and Green Fiat (Kermit Sutra) may never have matched the cool efficiency of Coert’s favorite machines, at least they had a certain mojo. Which we think has something to do with sex.
(Photo: Kornelia Enders DDR, Montreal 1976)
