One of the little joys of opening a new Facebook page is making new “friends.” Like most everything else in the new world, these relationships are more imagined than real. Even when impassioned they are, at best, arguments between avatars.
Grovyman would like to thank the numerous burlesque artists that have accepted our “friendship.” These lovely women are experts at the art of the tease. They allude to forbbiden pleasures without assenting to the act.
The best burlesque artists, in fact, need only to suggest the presence of a tit for their audience. A real twit throws away his money on strippers. It would seem, therefore, that burlesque would appeal to most investment bankers on Wall Street, given their obsession with illusions. These individuals prefer to lay money down on the “underlying assets” behind the tits and ass. While only they (i.e. Goldman Sachs) determine what those assets might be, they are, supposedly, a very beautiful thing.
Which brings us to the pimping exercise called modern finance. When people talk about “modern finance” what they really mean is the carnal lust for cash. Because real assets rarely exist anymore, the sure way to acquire more cash is to create representations thereof. The Wall Street synthetic CDO (collateralized debt obligation) is a beautiful example of the genre’.
How tempting these tools must have been for “sophisticated” investors looking for ever bigger wins. Like anyone who plays fantasy football knows, the illusion of having a Michael Vick (sadly) on your team is intoxicating. Much like a fantasy football pool, a synthetic CDO allows “sophisticated” financial investors play out their bets based on a “represented value” of an asset pool.
There’s nothing real in a synthetic financial instrument. Yet is is precisely due to the obscene profits these “financial plays” delivered that these “synthetic CDOs” are still not banned. They still hold too much promise, we assume, for the quick buck in a tight race or bad financial year end. That is why the biggest Pimps (Goldman, Morgan, UBS) don’t even have to pay off the enforcers to keep pushing them on the rest of America.
This is financial prostitution. Pure and simple.
I prefer the more gentle illusions of burlesque.
Now if our “friends” could just lure William Ackmann, John Paulson and Henry Kravis as fans we might all avoid getting hosed.
We’ve given up on Congressman Frank.
